Anyone who has known me longer than 18 seconds knows that I LOVE television. Love love LOVE it. The Fall TV Preview is inarguably (!) the best EW of the year, and I relish planning my fall schedule with it and a roller-ball pen each September. I have 22 season passes going on the TiFaux. Television Without Pity is my first live bookmark on Firefox. And so on.

And yet.

I like the lack of PRESSURE there is in the summer. If I don't get to what's on the TiFaux for 2, 3, 8 days, it's no bother - there's not much of it, so nothing will be deleted. If I want to spend an evening reading or drinking a glass of wine outside or listening to archived Stern shows while scrubbing our bathtubs, I can without worrying that Lost will be spoiled for me the next day.

avocadoze reminded me that the fall season starts in about a fortnight and I'm feeling the stress. Can I pare down my current offerings (probably can live without Heroes and Scrubs ... and Veronica Mars got shit-canned, OF COURSE). Can I possibly resist all new offerings (with the exception of Gossip Girl, which, clearly will be my #3 Season Pass'd show and will therefore inevitably be canceled summarily.)

But I digress. A quick review of the summertime shows with which I've been passing the time:

The Two Coreys. Oh, my. Corey Haim has lost 130 pounds and, while a drug-cooked shadow of his former adorable self, still has his even-though-you're-a-vampire-Michael-I-still-love-you moments. But the whole program is the most contrived heap of bullshit I've ever seen. From the fakey fake house that isn't even the Feldmans', to the lack of acknowledgment of Corey F's damn CHILD, to Haim's crocodile tears about The Lost Boys 2 (help me Baby Jesus). A&E? I expected more from you.

The Hills. Spencer with facial hair <<< regular Spencer, as if THAT was even possible. Heidi looks washed out and shitty and lobotomized. Jen Bunney clearly had work done. Audrina is still vapid but is growing on me. JUSTIN! BOBBY! is a mystery wrapped in a enigma wrapped in a JOINT. Lauren is likable as ever. Brody is dirty and tatted up but occasionally funny. Whitney whatever. She's pretty.

Newport Harbor. No. ELOP pointed out that Clay looks like Scott Speedman. And that's about all this program has going for it save the Duff theme song. The girls are indistinguishable from one another, drive 1978 bicycles while wearing tight Seven jeans, act dumb, and look 34.

My Life on the D-List. Girlfriend is hilarious. And popular. That is all.

Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. Only the best show ever conceived or produced. I only wish I'd caught it from the very beginning. Bret is the horniest skeeziest slimeball piece of trash this side of Real World Austin's Wes and yet you still have to root for the guy (Bret, not Wes). He ditched the overly inked (but quite lovely when wearing natural make-up) Sam, who was my favorite because she seemed smart and utterly lacking in bullshit. Left are Brandi (empty stripper), Heather (spunky stripper allegedly 32 who looks 44), Lacy (drama PETA queen clearly left in the contest by the producers) and Jes (gorgeous confident girl that makes me wish for pink streaky hair of my own ... but about 20 years too young for Bret). So with Sam gone, it leaves me wishing for a total bust so we can have season 2.