Inspired by an email exchange with girl_about_town last Friday, I thought I’d type as I listened, intently, to all seven minutes of “We Are the World.” Here are my thoughts. I tried to do this with as little rewind/pause as possible, so this is a big honking mess.

0:06. Man. That GONG. The tinkly bells. This is so melodramatic. But I guess they are trying to fight the world’s hunger through pop music, so it can’t exactly sound like “Who Let the Dogs Out”

0:28. Awww, Lionel. Hmmm. You’re so sweet. Too bad your daughter is such a hose beast, albeit a hysterical one.

0:42. Paul Simon. Man, Garfunkel is screwed as per usual.

0:53. Kenny, Kenny Kenny.

1:02. (People today would never do this. Everyone’s such an asshole. Except Bono.)

1:13 Billy Joel sounds unlike himself on his line.

1:20 Fuck you Michael Jackson for so fucking up your life. I now feel icky hearing you.

1:33 Fuck you, Diana Ross for seducing Michael at age 15 or whatever and contributing to the fuck-up of his life. So icky.

2:01 Willie Nelson. What else can you say?

2:10 James Ingram’s voice is totally underrated

2:17 Bruce Springsteen’s voice is totally overrated

2:25 Kenny Loggins – you sound good. Why were you such an asshole on American Idol?

2:28 God. Reeel it in, Steve Perry

2:50 Why do I love Huey Lewis? I think I’d like him to be my uncle. Best. Cameo. Ever. (Back to the Future I)

3:05 Best progression in pop music. Cyndi Lauper’s “Yay, yay yay yay!” after Kim Carnes comes in and hoarses up the joint.

3:07 First group chorus. If you listen carefully, you can just make out Dan Aykroyd.

3:32 And the chorus … again.

3:46 Bob Dylan. As girl_about_town noted, he’s like a complete caricature of himself here. And it’s delightful.

3:59 KEY CHANGE!!!

4:00 Chorus … again. So let’s start giving!

4:20 More Bob Zimmerman

4:27 Ray Charles. Sigh. No matter how often I listen, I get a little teary and goose-bumped at this part. Haven’t seen the movie yet, damn you Netflix and your “Long Wait.” Is this phase of his life featured in it?

4:52 Ahh, the famous Stevie/Bruce duet. Such a thing can never ever be duplicated in terms of its simultaneous genius and awkwardness.

5:31 Man, Bruce really sounds worse than usual on this cut.

5:44 Chorus … again. Umm.

6:13 More James Ingram. I’m telling you, he’s awesome, y’all! I don’t have the heart to tell you why he wasn’t more successful.

6:37 Chorus … again. This is how Fastball writes songs.

6:52 Fade with Ray.

FIN.