Ahhh … much better. Mr. Whirled is still gone, but I have freshly mopped floors, I'm eating better (capellni with veggies, garbanzos, and feta), and I have a nice glass of red wine. I'm going to need it to get through 90 minutes with these bitches. I'd much rather be a "guy" contestant these few weeks, not only because I could give wedgies to David Archuleta and watch him laugh in good-natured-but-tortured fashion a la George McFly, but because I'd perform first, sit-and-watch second. Anyway. On with the snores and a casual (!) Seacrest.



Note: "Originally Performed By" essentially means "Best-Known Version Performed By," okay? Now that that's settled...

Carly Smithson. "Crazy on You," Originally Performed By (OPB) Heart. Again - like last night - the pimp spot once will later be first 'cause the rules, they are a changin. Such a façade of randomness. I'm a big fan of most Heart performances, I must say. Carly's hair looks very pretty, as does her makeup, and her voice sounds great on this song with a monstrous range. It's not an Underwood "Alone," but what ever is? I prefer this rockin' out Carly much more than the elevator-music gal that showed up last week. Last power note pitchy as hell, though. She didn't stick the landing.

Syesha Mercado. "Me and [Mr.] Jones," OPB Billy Paul. Holy GOD, that baby cry was scary! Almost as uncanny as Kady Malloy's Brit-Brit imitation. As Bret Michaels would say, "Syesha … you look absolutely stunning tonight." Her voice is pure and rich and wonderful and really pops on the high notes. Arrangement of the song is way slow, and the band almost seems to die out weirdly at times, but the vocals are pretty much perfect. She's another of the ones to beat. Snaps all around. Judges don't like it or the gender bending. Whatevs.

Brooke White. "You're So Vain," OPB Carly Simon What's with everyone in the scarves? Are they taping these interviews in the Ed Sullivan theater or a similarly chilled venue? Question: if she didn't finish beauty school, where did they get these clips of her cutting hair? Must be her supportive husband. Also? Ironic that she's obsessed with "doing things" with hair since she hasn't done much with hers. I kid because I dig her. Brooke is harkening back to Cowell's Hollywood-Week Carly Simon comparison, and she's really quite good. Some of the low notes fall a bit short, but her tone is good, the guitar is nice, and the camera loves her. Cute as H-E-double-hockey-sticks, is Brooke White.

Ramiele Malubay. "Don't Leave Me This Way," OPB Thelma Houston. Another scarf. I smile at the mere promise this song holds … wait for it … my hear is full of love and desire-for-you … and et cetera. Ramiele doesn't make it as exciting as I'd hoped. Her voice is GOOD, it just doesn't have a lot of life behind it, or perhaps it lacks dynamics. This fell flat, sadly. Ramiele, don't leave me this way! In your sweat pants. But I must admit the girl has mad poise.

Kristy Lee Cook. "You're No Good," OPB Linda Ronstadt. I've said for years that if I could assume the vocal talent of anyone, it would be Linda Ronstadt, who can belt it with force or sing with beautiful head voice. That said, not sure I'd ever attempt any of her songs on karaoke night. Kristy Lee appears to be draped in ill-fitting satin and velvet and assuming a weird horse-riding stance the ENTIRE. TIME. It's sort of distracting from her vocals, which are passable but unmemorable. Ultimately a mediocre performance.

Amanda Overmyer. "Carry On My Wayward Son," OPB Kansas. The bandanna makes her look, like, 15 years younger. No wonder Bret Michaels does it - (2 Bret references in one review … can I make it 3???). Her hair, as it's done for the performance? Makes her look like Spike from Degrassi Junior High, the original series. You know, Spike? Who was pregnant in the 8th grade and in love with "Snake?" Okay, so … okay. We've got a female Constantine brewing. Amanda is not NEARLY as good as anyone, including her, might have once thought. This is a train wreck. She can't hit half the notes, she's got an awkward vibrato working, she's dancing around like she's had some bad PCP, and … wow. Worst of the night. Too bad, as I usually like the faux-rocker chicks.

Alaina Whitaker. "Hopelessly Devoted to You," OPB Olivia Newton-John. So I would normally cast aside anyone who voluntarily selected this dog-tired song, but she's 16, so I will let it slide. I'm also not a fan of the creepy food pickiness, and why would she pick this as the ONE "unique" thing to share? For the love. Side note: Idol craft services looks like sh*t. Voice is pretty and she's got great cheekbones, but I'm a tad bored. Goes a bit sharp in the chorus, oversinging like mad, but it's essentially a good performance. Randy? Says the same thing I just did. Paula busts out with a paradox that Alaina is totally young, but totally old!

Alexandra Lushington. "If You Leave Me Now," OPB Chicago. Another scarf. This song is forever contaminated because of its inclusion in South Park. I like how Alexandra's not afraid to dress casual, but this song choice is just bizarre. Some key-change action and chances for a vocal run or two, but it is way old fashioned and Lite-Mix-Radio. I mean … it's Peter Cetera. The whole thing goes way wonky at the end, with some flat-ass notes. Definitely preferred her up-tempo outing last week. I like her personality though, I think.

Kady Malloy. "Magic Man," OPB Heart. Menacing Carl Winslow! I like Kady … a lot … but one person she apparently can't imitate is Ann Wilson. The verses are shallow, the chorus not as powerful as they should be. The arrangement is boring and weird. Her dress is cute, though, except she's lost one of its accouterments. And the final run is the best part – better to go out on a high note – literally.

Asia'h Epperson. "All By Myself," OPB Eric Carmen. This song reminds me … no one picked the best song in the ENTIRE WORLD – "Without You" by Harry Nilsson. No one did any Styx, either. I hate all these fools. Asia'h is smiling broadly while singing a song about loneliness and grief. She catches herself and begins to pout, which makes the whole thing worse. And then she pantomimes a telephone and reaches for a low note she can't hit … and then reaches for a high note she can't hit. Ghoulish. She then tries with her chest voice, works a little better, but she's unsure of herself at this point and all over the map and flat as one too. The guys standing-O for no apparent reason. The closing bar's pretty solid, but it was about damn time.

Prediction? Amanda was BAD but may have a fan base. Was Kristy Lee forgettable? Syesha too early in the show? 24 hours will tell.

Bret Michaels!