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Seattle is the home of the ambiguously gendered freaks.
Two words: bush babies.
Who has promise (or is at least going to Hollywood)?
Thomas "Arms of a Woman" Daniels. He's awfully cocky for someone on his third strike. Breathy but okay.
Blake "Crazy" Lewis. Oh … no. Decent skatting, if you like that sort of thing, which I do NOT, but whatever. Definitely not bound for the top 12 but okay to listen to. Would kill at karaoke nights.
Shyamali "Summerime" Malakar. An Indian Eliza Dushku, in case you were wondering what that would look like. Confident but not smug. Stunning look. Perhaps one to watch?
Sanjaya "Signed Sealed Delivered" Malakar. Our first Stevie Wonder of the season; 467 to go. Bubbly and completely likeable. As SK would say, what can brown do for American Idol?
Rudy "Open Arms" Cardenas. Before he sang, I pegged him as a top-12 based on solely his attitude and his look. And I'm a decent prognosticator. Clay Aiken's vocal stylings without the inherent creepiness.
Ana "Respect" Kearns Why is this gal, humble and rail-thin and sweet, not on America's Next Top Model? Her voice is good but not great, but she's beautiful. And a full head taller than Miss Tyra.
Jordin "Because You Loved Me" Sparks . This year's Lisa Tucker. With a splash of America Ferrara. Perfect skin, great smile, controlled voice. A little boring.
Who is deliberately rendering themselves an ass for five seconds of "fame?"
Brandon "God Bless America" Groves. Idiot. And how does Simon remember this guy when he (allegedly) doesn't remember Ace? Horseshit all around. I laugh that someone already beat him to the Apollo Creed punch yesterday. Dickhead .
Michael "The Way You Make Me Feel" Bustamante. If that is your REAL name.
Eric "Drift Away" Chapman Clearly a goofy asshole, but probably a capable hairdresser that can make decent scratch. Stick with it.
Steven "Red" "Bohemian Rhapsody" Thone. No comment. Seriously? Nice snaggletooth, dude.
Who is just sad, y'all?
Jennifer "I Want Your Love/Tender Roni" Chapton . HATE HER. I daresay she isn't taking her "The Hotness" nickname with the proper sense of irony. I'm wondering if she's a tranny. Jesus, the cankles on this one.
Amy "Reflection" Salgado. Annoying but sweetly earnest. Enjoy life as an overly emotional stay-at-home mom, dear.
David "Lean on Me" Mills. Tragic.
Nicholas "Unchained Melody" Zitzmann. Oh, sweetie. Your "encouraging" co-workers are assholes. This audition is just a 20-something version of a "kick me" sign. And you need to somehow get laid. And WHAT was that awkward moment of silence with Seacrest? Worse than anything Michael Scott has ever experienced.
Jonathan "God Bless America" Jayne. The thing is, 19 Entertainment? Capitalizing on special-needs people was not funny last year and is less funny now. He's not as bad as some folks I heard sing this at Busch Stadium last year, quite frankly. This whole Kenneth/Jonathan situation is nothing short of heart-breaking, really.
Motives Unknown.
Darwin "Misha" Reedy. What? Is this person of indeterminate gender and sexuality special needs? Foreign? Just eccentric? Out for airtime? I can't put my finger on it, and I expect her to tear off a mask and reveal Frankie Muniz or something. Pussycat Dolls, of course.
"Carleen" "I Turn to You" Stavros. Is she wearing one of those Sumo wrestlers suits? This girl's physique is 10 kinds of crazy, especially her puffy pink arms. It is like she had a mis-matched head transplant.
Kenneth "Tearin' Up My Heart" Briggs. The next William Hung? Possibly. I'd watch him again. Then again, he could go postal and eviscerate people.
Who is Hollywood-bound but I hate them?
No one this round! I knew I liked Seattle peeps.
Two words: bush babies.
Who has promise (or is at least going to Hollywood)?
Thomas "Arms of a Woman" Daniels. He's awfully cocky for someone on his third strike. Breathy but okay.
Blake "Crazy" Lewis. Oh … no. Decent skatting, if you like that sort of thing, which I do NOT, but whatever. Definitely not bound for the top 12 but okay to listen to. Would kill at karaoke nights.
Shyamali "Summerime" Malakar. An Indian Eliza Dushku, in case you were wondering what that would look like. Confident but not smug. Stunning look. Perhaps one to watch?
Sanjaya "Signed Sealed Delivered" Malakar. Our first Stevie Wonder of the season; 467 to go. Bubbly and completely likeable. As SK would say, what can brown do for American Idol?
Rudy "Open Arms" Cardenas. Before he sang, I pegged him as a top-12 based on solely his attitude and his look. And I'm a decent prognosticator. Clay Aiken's vocal stylings without the inherent creepiness.
Ana "Respect" Kearns Why is this gal, humble and rail-thin and sweet, not on America's Next Top Model? Her voice is good but not great, but she's beautiful. And a full head taller than Miss Tyra.
Jordin "Because You Loved Me" Sparks . This year's Lisa Tucker. With a splash of America Ferrara. Perfect skin, great smile, controlled voice. A little boring.
Who is deliberately rendering themselves an ass for five seconds of "fame?"
Brandon "God Bless America" Groves. Idiot. And how does Simon remember this guy when he (allegedly) doesn't remember Ace? Horseshit all around. I laugh that someone already beat him to the Apollo Creed punch yesterday. Dickhead .
Michael "The Way You Make Me Feel" Bustamante. If that is your REAL name.
Eric "Drift Away" Chapman Clearly a goofy asshole, but probably a capable hairdresser that can make decent scratch. Stick with it.
Steven "Red" "Bohemian Rhapsody" Thone. No comment. Seriously? Nice snaggletooth, dude.
Who is just sad, y'all?
Jennifer "I Want Your Love/Tender Roni" Chapton . HATE HER. I daresay she isn't taking her "The Hotness" nickname with the proper sense of irony. I'm wondering if she's a tranny. Jesus, the cankles on this one.
Amy "Reflection" Salgado. Annoying but sweetly earnest. Enjoy life as an overly emotional stay-at-home mom, dear.
David "Lean on Me" Mills. Tragic.
Nicholas "Unchained Melody" Zitzmann. Oh, sweetie. Your "encouraging" co-workers are assholes. This audition is just a 20-something version of a "kick me" sign. And you need to somehow get laid. And WHAT was that awkward moment of silence with Seacrest? Worse than anything Michael Scott has ever experienced.
Jonathan "God Bless America" Jayne. The thing is, 19 Entertainment? Capitalizing on special-needs people was not funny last year and is less funny now. He's not as bad as some folks I heard sing this at Busch Stadium last year, quite frankly. This whole Kenneth/Jonathan situation is nothing short of heart-breaking, really.
Motives Unknown.
Darwin "Misha" Reedy. What? Is this person of indeterminate gender and sexuality special needs? Foreign? Just eccentric? Out for airtime? I can't put my finger on it, and I expect her to tear off a mask and reveal Frankie Muniz or something. Pussycat Dolls, of course.
"Carleen" "I Turn to You" Stavros. Is she wearing one of those Sumo wrestlers suits? This girl's physique is 10 kinds of crazy, especially her puffy pink arms. It is like she had a mis-matched head transplant.
Kenneth "Tearin' Up My Heart" Briggs. The next William Hung? Possibly. I'd watch him again. Then again, he could go postal and eviscerate people.
Who is Hollywood-bound but I hate them?
No one this round! I knew I liked Seattle peeps.
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