50s-theme night! Can't say I'm not dreading it, really. Ryan is looking as dapper as George McFly at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. He is my density.

Mandisa, curly-haired and fabulous; Bucky, annoying and dressed straight from the Goodwill bin; Paris, lovely in yellow satin and thankfully silent; Chris, the cheerful man in black; Katharine, nearly tripping in a bizarre reflective outfit; Taylor, with a strange new haircut and a stranger leisure suit; Lisa, in clothes far more vibrant than her personality; Kevin, in a polo buttoned clear to the top like Zach from Desperate Housewives; Elliott, waving maniacally wearing the WIDEST TIE EVER; Kellie, trying to look sultry before waving like a pageant-bot; Ace, properly given the pimp spot, still working the huge belt buckle and the hearts-melting smile.

Randy is such a juvenile.

"Mandy" always reminds me of either Angel, when Angel sings karaoke to the delight of everyone, or The Simpsons, when Homer sings "Oh Marge-y; well you came and you gave me a turkey … on my vacation away from work-y." Okay, I am FF-ing the Barry-ography. But honestly, how much work has this man subjected himself to? He looks about as young as Simon from Seventh Heaven.

Mandisa."I Don't Hurt Anymore," Dinah Washington. These pointless interviews get longer as the contestants get fewer, from now until it trims to one hour. Sigh. Song begins, and she's a confident, strong, diva. Ryan may in fact have removed her shoes once again. (Edit: No, they are just see-through. I prefer that she's not trying a "gimmick" on for size). My only concern is that folks will wrongfully assume she doesn't "need" this competition because she is just THAT good. It happens every damn season. Her pipes are simply a well-oiled machine, and there isn't much else to say. The virtually a capella finish impresses the crowd, and rightfully so. Plus, gal's just wicked classy and likeable. Simon loved it --- awww!

Bucky "Dirrty" Covington. "Oh Boy!," Buddy Holly. Oh Boy is right. Again with the ponytail and the filth and the phlegm. Attempted key changes have the power to make or break. Let's see what happens; I can hardly contain my anticipation. The hair this week is more Joe Elliott, meaning he's working probably two days or so of grease. Bet his roomie Kevin can clue us into his grooming practices. The performance? Is not terrific, although the key change was better than I feared. I think he's nervous, he doesn't seem to be having much fun, and the whole thing is sort of boring, right up until a little mic twirl and snaggle-toothed smile that is vaguely endearing at the end.

Paris Bennett. "Fever," Peggy Lee. She's done this before (Hollywood Week?) That hardly seems fair, but only because she bugs me. She's amazingly poised and pretty here. The song seems skewed toward the lower end of her register, but it sort of works for the song, and makes for an easier leap into the bridge. Ultimately, her voice is great and her chameleon tendencies are certainly good for this industry. In another season (THREE), she might have won. But there are too many captivating contestants this year.

CONSTANTINE!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Just as much a dirty, self-important pervert as ever. And hanging out with Ryan Cabrera, I see. Point made.

Ryan said "poised" after me, for the record. I'm guessing Paris read somewhere that she looked like a damned fool sing-shouting at Seacrest last week. She's much more reserved here. Thank bleeding Christ.

Pimping Ace through the voice of small blonde children! For shame, 19 Entertainment, FOR. SHAME. But hilarious.

Chris Daughtry. "Walk the Line," Johnny Cash. Oh no you di-int, Chris! Way to be topical and generally awesome. How funny that I called him the "man in black" in my opening paragraph. Sincerely. Ugh – he misses a loooooww note in the first verse. Harshly. Kicks it up an octave and suddenly is reminding me of a cleaner A.J. McLean. This version, whatever this is, is quite the departure from the traditional, but I don't know where the hell it came from. Toward the end, it's all about typical Chris and his chain wallet and his rocker vibe. Hey, I say … if you've got it, flaunt it. As long as you don't annoy me, which Chris doesn't for some reason. But at the end of the day, not his best performance, as it was just a little too shaky in the beginning and a little too odd overall.

MORE CONSTANTINE, with the ironic devil horns. There goes any chance of me sleeping this evening.

Katharine McPhee. "Come Rain or Come Shine," Ella Fitzgerald. As always, Katharine is very, very beautiful in a very, very unfortunate outfit. Shapeless, grayish number that puffs her out unfairly through the midsection. She looks better in the Barry clips wearing jeans and a hoodie. She reminds me a bit of a brunette Sarah Paulson, the chic from Jack and Jill who wasn't Amanda Peet or Jamie Pressly. The gal can sing. Where was she the previous four seasons? Seriously? The song is breathy (in a good way) and strong and tests Katharine's range, which I'm suspecting consists of about eleventy octaves. The last note isn't as effortless as she usually is, but she's still better than eight or nine of these fools.

Ryan mentions double-stick tape. I gasp in horror.

Taylor "Puffy Witter" Hicks. "Not Fade Away," Buddy Holly. Bah-Bah … Bah ... Bah-Bah. The mini-bangs are definitely strange, but his performance is solid, if a bit more mundane than usual. Because he's such a competent performer, even a monotonous tune is exciting. No offense to Buddy or his Chirpin' Crickets … music was just simpler back then. His voice is good, but I don't think it was stretched to its impressive limits with that number.

Lisa Tucker. "Why Do Fools Fall in Love," Frankie Lymon. Wow, she's boring. Or 16. Or both? Frankie Lymon has, only, the most depressing life story of all life stories.. I'm not digging the beltless clam diggers (unintentional pun). This song is too low and totally uninteresting. I'd rather see Emily Valentine up there posing rhetorical statements from 50s rock and roll. Lisa is certainly talented, and adorable, but she and her red pumps won't have the "voting" support to go much further. Luckily, Bucky stunk it up this week, so she might glide by once more.

Kevin Covais. "When I Fall in Love," Nat King Cole. Oh my GOD, his little testimonial about looking forward to true love just made me CRY, the dipshit. Dipshit being me, of course. What a sweet, sweet kid. Who should definitely not take his glasses off, lest he look like a potato. His voice actually sounds fairly okay on this song, and the new glasses and mussed hairstyle are an improvement. Even the key change is relatively smooth, much like his infant skin. Kev's range is about 20 notes richer than John Stevens, so let the comparisons end! Although I'm the only one making them. Me and girl_about_town, I guess. God, why am I tempted to vote for him? Disturbing.

Jasmine! With her silly little flower (that I thought she ditched midway through her season?) When do these minutes of fame run out? I'm begging ya.

Elliott Yamin. "Teach Me Tonight," Al Jarreau, by way of Cheekbones Manilow. Elliott's hair is growing out!! Praise be. He's earned a vote or two for that reason alone. I think I like his personality more than Ace's or Chris's, honestly. He seems to take himself less seriously and has a relative amount of intelligence, to boot. Yes, I realize its about the vocals. Maybe I'm still taken aback by the hair. Vocals are clear and good and he makes me smile, the sartorial nod to Ryan Seacrest and Chuckles the Clown notwithstanding. Perfect blend of vibrato and snarl. Very nicely done. Yay. He's this competition's Everyman. Bucky would like to think it is him, but not every man is a Pinto-driving illiterate.

Kellie Pickler. "Walkin' After Midnight," Patsy Cline. Well girl_about_town called it with her Cline prediction. Because she's the awesomest. GAT, that is, not Patsy. Although she's good too. Kellie's makeup looks a little china-doll strange. Her voice sounds probably better than ever, and she is strutting confidently without hamming it up like an asshole. A great performance, I must admit. What's with the key changes this evening? People are getting it DONE. Spot-on from start to finish, from the vocals to the actual performance itself.

Ace Young. "In the Still of the Night," The Five Satins (or Debbie Gibson). If this isn't amazing, he's dead to me. He should be able to OWN this piece. I recently (five minutes ago) saw picks of Ace with short hair; the long hair is certainly better. Okay, he needs to stop sneering like that; it's unattractive, and attractiveness is the only thing he's got over Elliott at this point. His voice is fine, but he's clearly nervous as all hell. A perfect segue into a higher key wins me back, a little. Strong falsetto at the end. Ehhh, whatever. He needs to take confidence lessons from Paris. Hilton. He holds up his fingers very stupidly and a crazy bitch loses her shit in the audience.

Who I'm voting for? Well, I'm voting for Ace, because I totally promised him I would in The Little Vampire chat room. I'm sliding a few votes Elliott's way as well, for being fecking great and listening to my image advice. Taylor might gt one or two, if I can get through, just cause I dig him.

Who's gone? Bucky is in trouble. The grease has left the building. Lisa should be in the bottom three again. Beyond that … it is anybody's guess.